Elements of Desire Self-Pleasure Audio Journey

Elements of Desire is a curated psychosexual self-pleasure journey derived from various Neotantra practices, developed by Finn Deerhart & Matt Sturm.

Use this audio track to accompany a self-pleasure journey, systematically working through a spectrum of erotic energy that starts and ends with a heart meditation.

Progress through the following Elements, in this order: Heart, Sensuality, Power, Lust, Heart. Each phase is exactly 12 minutes—the audio file has been developed with this in mind for a total of one hour. The best way to ensure accuracy is by programming a timer. Every 12 minutes, shift into a different set of desires and associations.

Remember that self-pleasure is a foundation from which we can grow as lovers. How we touch ourselves—from technique to attitude—extends into how we generally feel about pleasure and worthiness. Shifting how we engage in self-pleasure from unintentionally to intentionally, we acquire a set of related qualities that, in turn, “affirm” us. And to affirm self-pleasure is to express a healthy self-entitlement to pleasure, a behavioral expression that proclaims: I am worthy of feeling good.

• Deliberately put intentional self-pleasure time on your calendar. For most, this is a radical departure from waiting until the “mood” strikes them. Doing so sends a powerful message that pleasure is worthy of intention rather than reaction alone. 

• Openly communicate with any others (if appropriate) in the household. Name any space and time boundaries needed to fully let go and surrender to your process. Again, the majority of us have been conditioned to wait until we are left alone rather than to advocate openly for our pleasure needs.

• Make a conscious choice to let go of expectations that you might become highly aroused, might experience orgasm, etc. This time is less about mimicking your embedded arousal templates and more about exploring the open space of sensation and presence. 

• If you are able to, use a mirror. Modulate your experience of vulnerability by remaining clothed, partially clothed, or fully unclothed at whatever pace feels comfortable. Sit comfortably in front of your mirror and witness what arises for you. 

• Begin the audio track (best with earbuds to drown out any interrupting noises).

  Heart

• Start with the Heart. Think air, ethereal, expanding and limitless.

• Meditation: What is present for you in this moment? Tune into your senses, your body sensations, your thoughts and feelings, and how comfortable you feel with just yourself. Place one hand on your heart and the other over your genitals, visualizing the connection between these two places within you. Allow whatever unfolds within you.

• Practice some deep breathing while clenching your PC muscles to awaken sensation in your pelvic floor. Use whatever breath feels good. For example, you may select the four-sided breath: inhale 4 counts, hold the breath 4 counts, exhale 4 counts, and hold the emptiness 4 counts.

• Eye gaze with yourself. Find you, the person, in your reflection—not a body to correct or modify—notice any strong proclivities to criticize, improve, primp, etc.

• In whatever state of undress feels right to you, begin by touching the extremities: toes, fingers, ankles, wrists, and the top of the head. Take your time and work inwardly, and lastly, toward your genitals.

• As you begin pleasuring your genitals, simultaneously touch other areas of your body, mapping them together in your perception. For example, maybe you caress your neck while you pleasure your genitals. Create shared sensations that center your genitals within the wider physical and emotional contexts of your whole body.

• What associations do you make to the heart? How do these associations connect to your sense of sexuality and pleasure? Here are some suggested reflection questions: What do I refuse or struggle to accept? What do I need to grieve? Around which relationship strategies do I organize? (For example: Do I cling? Avoid?) Around what limiting beliefs do I organize? (For example: “Love is difficult to find and even more difficult to keep.”) How do I “head-off” attempts to connect? For example: Do I avoid eye contact? Do I avoid uncomfortable subjects? What makes it difficult to be with me? What major vulnerabilities do I struggle with? My partner(s)? What major strength do I bring to the sexual connection? My partner(s)? When I feel sexually inhibited, I usually ___ ? How do I usually engage when feeling inhibited? My partner(s)? What are my top turn-ons? My partner(s)?

  Sensuality

• After 12 minutes, Shift into the Element of Sensuality. Think water; fluid identity, movement and form.

• Get your whole body involved! Breathe audibly. Make sounds that express how you feel. Track sensation as it moves around your body, trying to stay focused on your physical experience rather than merely intellectually observing yourself. 

• At various points along the way, pause to reflect: on a scale of 1-10, with no expectations, where is your arousal? Perhaps you are enjoying an aroused, erotic experience, and perhaps not. Sometimes the most powerful awarenesses emerge when the focus is not solely placed on genital pleasure. 

• Talk erotically with yourself in the mirror. What do you want? What do you feel? Notice what feels erotically authentic? Unsure? Timid? What do you mimic from media?

• Stay open to anything you observe in yourself. What you are doing may not look like “sex,” as seen in your preconceived images of self, but it is most certainly erotic—whatever you encounter. 

• This phase of the practice is less about being turned on by oneself as object and more about being the energy of turn-on. This awareness shifts your focus to your own internal reference points—your feelings, your authentic self-images, your desires—a merger of feeling and body. 

• Move spontaneously, dance, breath deeply and with feeling.

• What associations do you make to sensuality? How do these associations connect to your sense of sexuality and pleasure? Here are some suggested reflection questions: Do I have fixed “types?” When am I least satisfied in sex? How do I organize physically and emotionally? Do I experience body parts to have a functional fixedness—a specific, intended function? When am I the most satisfied in sex? How do I organize physically and emotionally? What instructions did I receive about how to have sex; how do I carry them out? What judgments do I hold about myself? My partner(s)? How do I use my body to communicate desire? To reach out for contact? What stops me from communicating more openly? Do I feel comfortable with my fantasies? Those of my partner(s)? Regarding porn, what are my beliefs/practices? For my partner(s)? How do I feel while giving? Receiving? What beliefs about men/women/non-binary do I carry into eroticism?

  Power

• After 12 minutes, shift into the Element of Power. Think fire and passion; the desire to exert control over others or be controlled, D/s, BDSM, etc.

• Consciously work at body acceptance: the mirror is not the enemy.

• Keep in mind these words of Carolyn Braddock: “Healing begins with owning the body and especially positively owning all of the body...naming, touching, and stroking one’s body, allowing body sensations to be felt, giving affirmation to and accepting one’s body the way it is right now, rather than allowing negative judgments about the way it “should be” (Braddock, Body Voices). 

• Make the exercise scalable. Maybe you take a step back and work again on breath and presence with your reflection until you feel ready to accelerate again. Oscillate as much as you need to in order to maintain presence, acceptance, inquiry, and pleasure. 

• If you hear yourself making negative statements about your body or expression: pause, shake your body vigorously, and breathe deeply. Then start touching yourself again, tuning back into sensation as you move toward acceleration again.

• If you feel in conflict with any aspects of your body, pause and breathe into those parts inquiring: Am I willing to love my body as it is?

• Play with intensity. Hold your breath. Exhale forcefully. Flex your muscles as hard as you can. Shake vigorously. Jump up and down. Create strong sensations in your body.

• What associations do you make to power? How do these associations connect to your sense of sexuality and pleasure? Here are some suggested reflection questions: Am I nervous about intensity: sensation and/or feeling? How do I use my difficult feelings? How do I embody them? How difficult is it for me to express vulnerability? How do I feel about saying No or Yes? How do I feel about the roles, qualities, and expressions of D/s? During sex, I mostly focus on ____ . In which ways do I hold power in my relationship(s)? My partner(s)? Do I hold resentments? What is my story of personal struggle? What do I associate with hot sex? Intimate sex? Do we have clearly negotiated, stated agreements? Do I experience sex as obligatory?

  Lust

• After 12 minutes, shift into the Element of Lust. Think earth; animal body, unapologetically alive and taking what you want.

• As you begin to accelerate toward arousal what images, associations, fantasies come to mind? Pay close attention to what arises spontaneously rather than calling up a familiar fantasy. The idea is to make space for what emerges. 

• Focus on sensation. Which zones of your body feel more or less? 

• Approach the edges of your comfort. Make loud noises. Let your body take over, mind receding. Buck your hips.

• Continue pleasuring your genitals while including other areas of your body, emphasizing the whole body. Integrate external and/or internal anal play.

• If you are aroused and intensifying, prolong the experience of approaching orgasming, but stop short of going over the edge. On your scale of 1-10, experiment with hovering between a 7 and a 9 (or wherever you assess yourself to comfortably be).

• Tune in to any emotions that are present in your experience.

• Pay attention to moments that are not mentally framed, but are more embodied. Use breath, sound, movement, and sensation to guide you deeper into letting go of thought. Imagine your body moving as you as opposed to you moving your body. 

• What associations do you make to lust? How do these associations connect to your sense of sexuality and pleasure? Here are some suggested reflection questions: How do I get in my own way of letting go? Do I experience shame about my sexuality? When I am inhibited, I usually experience ___ . In sex, I generally focus on ___ . How do I feel about death? During sex, what kind of control do I seek? How much am I willing to experience? What am I not willing to experience? What survival struggles surface in my overall life? How do I embody my emotional struggles: collapse, fight, become inanimate, etc.?What fears do I encounter in sex? In sex, do I prefer predictability to the unknown? 

Heart

• After 12 minutes, shift back to the Heart.

• For these final 12 minutes, allow yourself to feel whatever emotions are present for you. Integrate them by expressing them with your body.

• There is no specific endpoint to pursue. Perhaps you decide you are complete for the moment, mindfully transitioning out of your practice. Or perhaps orgasm feels available and desired.

• If/after orgasm, pause, reflect, integrate before rushing off, cleaning up, etc. Hold one hand on your heart; one hand on your genitals. Thank yourself for making contact in a new way. Be slow to rejoin default reality.

Integrate

• Following your self-pleasure practice, choose some means to integrate what you have just experienced. 

• Perhaps you continue in some sort of personal movement/embodiment practice like Yoga, Tai Chi, working out, dancing, stretching, foam-rolling, etc. 

• Take a walk out into the broader world around you, holding this energy in your heart. If/as you encounter other people, notice whether or not you are able to maintain a connection to your sense of erotic self. Do you feel shame? Do you feel free? Do you feel like you must act on this energy? Do you feel like you are able to stay connected to pleasure and intention as you transition back into your day?

• Spend some time journaling about any key awarenesses or insights. Pay attention to specific images, fantasies, emotions, and perceptions that have surfaced as a result of your intentional self-pleasure practice. 

Audio track by DJ Trever Pearson